Advice | Asking Eric: Chronic coughing causes social anxiety

My family and close friends understand this problem, but it is still embarrassing, especially when it happens with people I don’t know well or in a public place.

When I talk to others, should I warn them at the beginning of the conversation that I might start coughing and have to stop the conversation, either by hanging up or walking away until the time is over? If so, how should I explain it? I don’t want to give them my medical history, and I don’t want them to think I’m sick or contagious.

I’m curious: Everyone’s body does weird things from time to time. I’m sorry that your body is doing something that is causing you social anxiety. I understand how a prolonged cough can invite questions, comments or other unwelcome comments, especially in a world that is still dealing with the effects of the covid-19 pandemic. There is nothing wrong with coughing; it’s just a matter of finding a way to take care of yourself and take care of yourself and your community.

For peace of mind, try telling people, “Just so you know, I have a condition that makes me cough sometimes. It’s not contagious or cause for concern, but I don’t want to Think I have no manners if I have to leave suddenly. Thanks for understanding!”

You don’t have to do this. But you may find it reduces your anxiety and feelings about it.

If and when you tell people about your cough, don’t take it as an apology for having a body, but as information that will help them make the conversation a pleasant and less stressful experience for you.

Dear Eric: A young couple from the neighborhood told me that their young daughters told them that an aunt from out of town who was visiting them had just appeared to them. These parents are desperate, they don’t know how to proceed, and they ask my opinion. They are concerned that they may be required to notify another child protective services agency and/or the police. However, this is a very popular uncle. They also don’t want to ruin his career and his family. She is married and works in the medical field where she sometimes has children as clients.

They feel that taking any organized action would cause a huge upheaval. However, other family members encourage them to report. They want to find a way to protect their daughters first and let the uncle know that he will not be allowed to be alone with their children again. This causes ongoing family conflicts. How should they deal with this situation?

Neighbor: Record it. I am not sure how important it is to take action now to protect these children, and other children that my uncle may come into contact with. Depending on where you live, it may be a legal requirement.

You can check the details, and find information on where to report in your area, at the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Law Database’s State Law Database. RAINN also has specific steps to help parents through this stressful process, including telling children that what happened was not their fault and that they are going to report, as well as self-care while parents are away. performance.

This will start the search. It is not a trial and it is not a judgment. Oftentimes, it’s easy for our thoughts to get bogged down by potential consequences and overwhelm us. By telling authorities what they know, these parents fulfill their responsibility to their children and provide trained professionals with next steps.

Professionals will engage in a trauma-informed process to determine what happened and determine next steps. It may be difficult to imagine this beloved family member feeling the consequences of his actions, but if parents keep this information, they are making themselves responsible for justice. That is not their job. Their job is to listen and protect their children. Tell the parents to reject any comments that scold them for “ruining uncle’s work” or making this more than just a “family matter”. My uncle did it alone, if his actions are as described.

Children need advocates; uncle needs help. Parents can get training guidance from RAINN 24/7 by calling 1-800-656-HOPE. Encourage them to do so today.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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